koho lama koho saye

It's a contagious and serious disease, an untreatable one, i warn you. The symptoms include:

1) inability to judge wisely
2) severe blindness
3) palpitation
4) sweaty palm
5) heart aches
6) jealousy

This dangerous disease can be infected regardless of age group. There's no cure and there's no turning back once you've been diagnosed with the disease. In extreme cases, it can be fatal. So beware.

A piece from a puzzle

I was not even nine at the time my sisters and i were sent home back to Malaysia by ayah. I wasn't sure why we had to return earlier than the rest but it happened, and i could still vividly remember the little details.

It was hard to say goodbye to friends at Crossland Moor Junior School, teachers, the teacher assistants, and to the land of Brits. But most of all, it was even tougher saying goodbye to mama, boy (back then we called abg 'boy', atul, ah, munir and ammil.

Before we left for the airport (was it in Bradford?.. can't recall), we salam and hugged mama, kissed her cheeks and got into the car. We waved goodbye and that was the last memory that i have of my life back at 55 Springdale Avenue, a vivid image of mama, with tears streaming down her cheeks. I remember, i cried along the way to the airport.

I told ayah, that i already missed mama, abg, atul, ah, munir and ammil, and that i will surely cry on the plane. Ayah consoled me and said that things would be okay as he was there with me. To my surprise, ayah even asked the stewardess to keep an eye on me since i told ayah that i'd surely cry throughout the flight. I did, at times.

After a long tiring flight, we finally landed in Malaysia, changed our flight and safely arrived in Kedah. We were greeted with so much warmth by relatives and for a second, i forgot about mama and my adik-adik who were still thousands of miles away in the UK.

But a few weeks later, ayah had to return to the UK, he still had another two years left to complete his phD. So to keep me company, ayah bought me a teddy in a nice yellow outfit(ayah knows his little daughter too well i suppose, and blame ayah that i even have a collection of teddies up to now! hehe :p). Yeah, i remember well the teddy. He was a good and loyal companion. Most of the times, he would be soaked from my tears as a little girl who missed her family too much. Another goodbye; ayah left and i hated it. Most of the nights, i would cry myself to sleep and there were also times when i would even cry in my sleeps. Then, thanks to my ever so understanding elder sisters, they would comfort their little spoilt sister, and sushed her to sleep again, promising that we'd give mama, ayah and adik-adik a phone call early in the morning. So i went back to sleep with my pillows wet from tears, and teddy cuddled tightly.

I remember, there was once when I dreamt of mama, ayah and adik-adik, and i cried in my sleep, woke up to find that mama and ayah weren't there. The sobs got louder, waking up my sisters from their sleep and all that i could say to them at that time was 'Na nak mama and ayah!'. It was unstoppable, until my acu entered the room, comforted me, and hugged me to sleep. Most of the nights were like that, filled with tears, and slept with teddy tightly hugged.

The one year duration living apart from mama, ayah and adik-adik felt like forever. And within that period, i 'menumpang kasih sayang' from my grandparents, aunties, and uncles. In every phone calls with mama and ayah, i would insist mama to come back to Malaysia soon and mama would promise that it wouldn't be any long before we could meet again. Eid was even sadder, as cousins were happily 'salam-salam' with their parents, yet us (my sisters and i) only begged for forgiveness from mama and ayah through the phone. That was life back then.

The one mentally and emotionally torturing year came to an end. We waited patiently at the Alor Star airport to greet our beloved and dearly missed mama, ayah and adik-adik. It was really a nerve wrecking moment. Mixed feelings, happy, excited, sad, all combined and gave me butterflies in the stomach as i was about to meet them once again. My heart leaped with joy as among the crowd of passengers coming through the arrival gate, i saw very familiar faces, faces of those whom i dearly missed (I can never be able to describe the feelings in words..it's indescribable). I saw mama and ayah along with my little adik-adik smiling, we hugged, and kissed and salam with tears streaming down our cheeks. It was really a touching moment for all of us.

I thank God for protecting them all throughout the journey, and i thank God for giving me the opportunity to meet my dearest parents and adik-adik again. Thank you God.

The experiences in life of living away from family during my childhood years and also during my degree years in Plymouth, UK, have really taught me a great lesson in life; that is to appreciate our family and loved ones while they are still with us. Once they're taken away from us, it'll be too late to show how much we really love and care for them. I learn my lesson from my life experiences, and i thank God for the chance to love and cherish my family that He has given me.


In this post, i would also like to express my takziah and my deepest condolences to my dear year 6 student, Nadiah, who lost her father in a car crash last Friday...may he rest in peace, ameen. You have inspired me to put up this post and no matter how hard I try to put myself in your shoes, darling, i shall never be able to feel the pain of loss and the feelings that you are experiencing right now and in the future. May He give you and your family the strength to carry on and to face the future undertakings.

Happy 53rd Independence

It's 1.04 in the morning, way past midnight and here i am, wide awake. I've been wanting to post something on my blog, but i kept on procrastinating. At the end of the day, nothing, no new entry from me. I know rambling on any issue would do, but nayyy..i feel obliged to put up an entry that is insightful, something worth reading.

Well, since yesterday was the 31st of August, i thought i'd write on independence (im sure you've guessed that from the title..hehe :p ). But let me be clear, i plan not to write about the literal meaning of independence because i'm pretty sure we're all are well aware of that, aren't we? Yes, we are. Bebas dari penjajah, bla bla bla..

Okay, back to the topic. Now, how shall i begin?..hmm.. Independence to me is not about being free from colonization of the penjajah per se; it is more to that. Let's try to look at it from a different scope. Here, I'm talking about the colonization of the individuals.

Have you ever given a thought whether you (or we) as individuals are free from being dictated cognitively, emotionally, spiritually or even physically? I think it is worth the time to sit back and ponder on this because it is the individual that makes up a society, thus a nation. Hence, if the individual his/herself is being colonized by negative elements, it will cause a domino effect within the society and nation at large, consequently jeopardizing the country's 53 years of independence. So, let us together renung-renungkanlah~

p/s: Today's amusement is tomorrow's embarrassment (somebody, 2010).

InshaAllah by Maher Zain

Every time you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That you're so alone
All you see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Every time you commit one more mistake
You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
You’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insya Allah you’ll find your way


Turn to Allah
He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don’t let me go astray
You’re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way
Insha Allah
Insya Allah we’ll find the way

She's always a woman

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child,
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her
as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me


Ooooh she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Ooooh and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleeding
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Ooooh she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Ooooh and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me