Reflecting on relationships

I just completed reading a really good book by an ustaz who is famous for his writing, saifulislam.com. I got to know about the author and the site when i was studying in the UK. The title of the book is 'Aku Terima Nikahnya'. As catchy as the title itself, the book is a must read to all. The content is not too heavy, a pleasure to read during our spare time.

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Before this, i've always viewed marriage as one of the ways to escape from committing the sins of being in a girlfriend-boyfriend affair. But that was totally a wrong concept that had been developed. As the writer has argued, if we can't even restrain ourselves from the challenges and sins of being in a bf-gf relationship, what else the challenges after marriage; trust, resposibilities,economic crisis etc. Marriage is not always a happily-ever-after plot as depicted in movies or stories (especially those by Walt Disney production). There are the ups and downs....


(interruption: my eldest sister, kak moon, is busy applying mascara and lipgloss on me while im writing this post~ cehhh~)okay, back to business...


The same with a gf and bf affair. The sky is not always sunny, it may rain at times. The writer suggested to the singles, not to start a relationship (or even think of starting one)if we have no plan to take the realtionship one step further (i.e marriage)within at least 2 years time. Or else the relationship will become 'murky and muddy' and then there will come endless fights and quarrels that'll lead to heartaches and eventually breakup. I couldn't agree more with the author, as i believed i went through the same situation with my ex. We were together for 3 years and i ended it. But, i'm thankful that we're still friends even after all the things that we went through.


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Marriage as portrayed in this book is a stage when you see yourself as a giver rather than a receiver. You're always wanting to give the best and not expecting too much from your spouse. Marriage is also about accepting one as he/she is and complementing each other to lead a just life. I like the way the author pictured it; 'kebaikan dan kelebihannya disyukuri, kelemahannya diredhai'. How blissful!


The author also talked about the Irish culture on treating their young ones. They always take the time and effort to listen to what their children have to say. They even entertain the endless queries from their children (just like the advert by Petronas 'ayah, ni burung apa?'...sweet). They also have the time to take their kids for a stroll at the park.


Infact, I even noticed this type of culture among the Brits in the UK. It is normal to see parents walking their children at the park, young daddies pushing the stroller at malls etc. Me and a good friend of mine (kak yuni) would always observed this scenario and commented on it. We would always say 'jangan harapla nak tgk this kind of situation kat Malaysia, very rare to witness'. Then we would pray 'hopefully dpt husband mcm th, ameen'. :) You see, it is good to become observant of other cultures of the world so that we can adopt what's good from them and learn from the consequences of the not-so-good things that they do. I'm thankful to God for the opportunities.


Not just that, even among the elder couples (probably around 60's or 70's), i could still see them holding hands when they walk. Sweet!~ (^_^)On the other hand, a different situation in Malaysia, it's difficult to see married couples (after a few years of marriage, especially those with kids) holding hands when they walk. Masa couple je beriya nak pegang tangan xnak lepas~ A sad situation. *sigh~* How i wish things would be different...


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To encapsulate things, these are generally the few main ideas that i learn from my reading:

1) kita tidak perlu memulakan hubungan jika dalam jangka masa terdekat, tiada kemungkinan perhubungan itu akan dinaik taraf menjadi perkahwinan...

2) komitmen 'atas angin' yang tidak disegerakan kepada sebuah perkahwinan sering berakhir hanya disebabkan oleh emosi yang diterjemahkan ia sebagai JEMU... (oh, very true~ tskkk)

3) in a marriage, kebaikan and kelebihan our spouse haruslah disyukuri and kelemahannya diredhai...because marriage is about complementing one another for the betterment of all.

4) marriage is not all about being on cloud 9 at all times, there are the ups and downs that the married have to go through

5) parents aren't always right...listen to what your children have to say...they also have their own faculty of thoughts.

6) adopt whatever good values that we can learn from other people's culture and learn from their mistakes


Wallahu'alam~



p/s: Read the book for a clearer picture and better understanding of the ideas. I'm basically writing from my own understanding of what i read, injecting a little bit of my views ad experiences in it...happy reading! (^_^)